Friday, October 3, 2014

Marriage.....How nothing has changed. And how everything has.




A week from this Sunday, Brian and I will have been married for six months. Whenever I've seen anyone that I don't see often, their first question is always,  "SOOOOO, How's married life??!!" The second is always, "SOOOO, do you feel like things are DIFFERENT?"

I think I've touched on Brian and my decision to "live in sin" for almost 4 years prior to our walk down the aisle. I may delve further into that decision in another post (for those who may be considering it). I heard an expression about living together pre-marriage the other day that I thought was hilarious. A hybrid of "Why would you buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?" adage, they said, "I mean really, WHO ON EARTH would buy a cow without sampling the milk first?" Well played.

I bring up our decision to live together pre-matrimony because in a way, it has affected our marriage. Mostly because, to everyone's second query, I DON'T feel that different. Since April 12th, other than calling each other husband and wife and the marriage certificate (that is buried somewhere on the desk in the guest room amidst stacks of lists and thank you notes----I promise, they're coming to you!) not much has changed.

Before we got married, I was voracious for information about this "change". I would grill my friends who lived together before marrying. " Do you feel different?" "Has he changed?" "Have you?" Most friends said they did feel a little change. A lot of it was finances---since now they were actually merged. One friend called me crying " He won't let me buy my expensive foundation----What is he thinking?! I NEED that!!!" Some just said they felt like they were really IN IT together now that they were married. Like each of their decisions really affected the other person and vice versa.

In some ways, nothing has changed. I don't love Brian any more or less than I did before. I am still just as happy to see him come home from work. Watching him with our dogs still makes me look forward to seeing him become a father someday. I still want to murder him when he leaves his clothes in the dryer or lets the trash can get overly full.

In other ways, it seems everything has changed. I can admit now (that it has passed) that in the weeks immediately following our wedding I had blinding, and completely irrational baby fever. It wasn't like I actually thought we were going to just toss the birth control out the window and get pregnant immediately, but I thought about having a baby ALL THE TIME. I think it was the newness of our marriage. It was an exciting time, and I would look at Brian and think about how much I loved him and how much fun it would be to be parents together. Thankfully, reality and logic won out. There are so many things I want to do first. Achieve certain career goals, buy a new house, clean out my closet (some items on the task list are bigger than others).

I also feel a lot more pressure to keep up my 'wifely' duties. Things like, making sure dinner is cooked every night. Making sure the house is clean and organized (my inner mess still really struggles with this part---I'm sure all of my former roommates can attest to that.) And really, I've been playing at the role of "wife" for years. It does seem like more of a responsibility now, than a novelty like it used to.

All in all, so far I love being married. It's definitely not all roses---funnily enough, the things we fight about now are more fundamental issues than petty things---a sign I think, that we genuinely care about each other. When you're someone's biggest cheerleader, you feel the losses just as hard or harder than the wins.

Everyone says the first year is the hardest. Their are days where I think that those people just suck at marriage. And there are days where I know they're absolutely right.

I know this at six months in----There's no one I'd rather sit next to on this ride.

And without further aideu-----Our wedding video from Love Bird Wedding Films. Nick and Josh were SO amazing. If you need a great wedding video shot, give them a call!

video


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